Genova

It has Colin Firth at least. At first I thought it’d prove ideal for our ex-Mr Darcy to walk around looking stiff and upset, grieving for his dead wife, but there’s not much of that. Throughout his new film Genova, I kept screaming (silently, of course) that what his daughters needed was constancy. Taking them to Genoa is so Not A Good Thing. But does he learn? I don’t think so.

His 10-year-old daughter, Mary, keeps seeing her dead Mum. She believes her mother has forgiven her for ‘killing’ her in the first place, but then why would Mum try and get Mary run over? While Mary goes round churches lighting candles for her mother and seeing her all over the place, her sister Kelly, 16, travels round Genoa on motorbikes with beautiful young men, and doing her best to lose Mary.

What is it with Americans and their infatuation with Europe? A year working and going to school in Italy is far less romantic than a long holiday, especially for the recently bereaved. I kept urging them to go home. Then there are the two women vying for Dad’s attention; one is his Italian student, and the other his old American pal, who’d like to be so much more, and who keeps taking Mary into churches and goes on about counselling.

Don’t experiment with your children like this.

Genoa looks good, except for some of the dark and narrow alleys with dubious people hanging around. I’m surprised they don’t get more lost than they do. And I don’t understand the need for advertising one of our less loved airlines.

Genova is on at Cornerhouse from tomorrow.

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